Always searching for a piece of me

So after quite a long hiatus, here I am again. Things have been really crazy... life really changes everything doesn't it?

I ended up back in MN after all... Took what I thought would be my dream job... in my dream city... and all I ended up with were crushed dreams.

Pardon the Debbie Downer attitude for a few minutes while I clear my head.


I moved to a place that I loved once, a place that was full of friends and laughter and memories. I thought the memories would be enough to carry me through. Guess I was wrong. The only thing I've found here is a imbalance. I work too much, play too little, and take no time for myself. I've gained about 10 pounds back but it feels like more. I have limited access to my friends and family and I really see them no more often living 1 hour away by car than I did living across the country. I eat too much to fill the empty space, I don't work out anymore because I don't have the drive, and I can't sleep well so all I want to do is sleep.

I'm in that weird age group where I chose a career over love, marriage, and children while my friends chose the opposite. Now I'm starting to feel as though you can't have it all and I made my choice.

Now don't get me wrong I realize that most of this is not true and I my time will come, where I can have it all, a career and a family of my own, but I swear if one more person tells me that, I might actually resort to a punch in the nose.

Now comes the moment of truth... Do I move back out east away from my family back to a group of people that I love and adore? Or do I move to the big city where my other friends are, the friends from long ago whom I also love and adore? Or do I move away from all of them and try and find my own way, immerse myself in the loneliness,  do what's most uncomfortable, without access to anyone to lean on and prove to myself that I don't need anyone, that I can survive with only the love and support of myself.

For now I just need to be thankful for a roof over my head, a job, and family and friends that do love me... no matter how lonely and isolated I feel.

Cheers to that...